The Illusion of Work-Life Balance
Why It’s Time to Let Go of the Lie
April 1, 2025
Written by: Dr. Theresa Jubenville-Wood, Ph.D., Registered Psychologist
Let’s be real — how many times have you heard the phrase “work-life balance” and immediately rolled your eyes? Or maybe you’ve sat through a panel where some high-powered professional shared her “secret” to balance: waking up at 5 a.m., drinking lemon water, journaling, working out, and answering emails — all before the kids wake up. Exhausting, right?
The concept of work-life balance has been sold to women as the ultimate goal: a mythical state where our careers, relationships, self-care, and home life all fall into perfect harmony. And yet… no one actually seems to be achieving it.
In fact, many women come into my office and say, “I just need more balance in my life, and then everything will be fine.” Of course, they say this — because that’s the message we’ve heard time and time again. Like it’s some kind of secret to unearth — all will be well once I achieve balance. It’s no wonder so many women feel like they’re failing or not enough. Why? Because work-life balance, as it’s often portrayed, isn’t real. It’s a lie.
The Roots of Work-Life Balance
The idea of work-life balance isn’t new. It traces back to the late 1800s when manufacturing laws began limiting the work hours of women and children. In the early 20th century, the fight for an 8-hour workday gained traction as workers organized and went on strike, pushing for more humane working conditions. Even though it wasn’t called "work-life balance" at the time, the goal was to create space for rest and personal time outside of work.
In the 1980s, the Women’s Liberation Movement brought work-life balance into the mainstream. Flexible work schedules and maternity leave policies became more common as women pushed for support in balancing professional and personal roles. The original aim of work-life balance was to help people manage their time and energy more effectively, with the intention of increasing well-being and job satisfaction.
But today, that balance feels harder to grasp. Women are more likely to handle the bulk of caregiving, household management, emotional labour, and the mental load — all while climbing professional ladders and squeezing in self-care.
And it’s no surprise that this is taking a toll. According to Deloitte’s 2024 Women @ Work survey of over 5,000 women across 10 countries, workplace stress is on the rise, and many women feel unsupported by employers when it comes to balancing work and home life. Women who work in the office — rather than remotely — are particularly affected, reporting a decline in both mental health and productivity.
Research from the American Psychological Association shows that women are significantly more likely than men to experience burnout, with working mothers reporting higher levels of emotional exhaustion and chronic stress.
Another study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour found that women are able to juggle their work and family lives just as well as men, but they feel more guilty as a result of addressing work-related tasks outside working hours. The researchers noted that this guilt seemed to be at the heart of their distress.
So when we talk about “balance,” we’re not talking about an even distribution of effort. We’re talking about women trying to juggle an overwhelming load, often with fewer resources and more guilt. No wonder it feels impossible.
Balance as a Verb, not a Destination
The real issue with the work-life balance narrative is that it’s sold as a destination — a place you can arrive at once you’ve finally figured it all out. But life isn’t static. Work demands change, relationships shift, kids get sick, and your own needs evolve. Balance isn’t something you achieve once and for all — it’s something you have to continually adjust and recalibrate.
Think of riding a bike. You don’t just get on and stay balanced forever — you make constant micro-adjustments to stay upright. Some days, you’re gliding downhill with the wind at your back. Other days, you’re pedalling uphill in the rain. The goal isn’t to arrive at balance; it’s to keep moving without falling over. And even if you do fall over, you can always dust yourself off, get back up and start riding again.
3 Strategies to Ditch the Balance Myth and Find Your Own Rhythm
So, what can we do to stop chasing the illusion of balance? We can begin by shifting how we think about it internally, setting boundaries to protect our energy, and defining success on our terms.
1. Let Go of the Lie (Seriously, Just Drop It)
The first step toward feeling more balanced is to stop chasing the fantasy that you can have everything figured out at once. It’s not possible — and that’s okay.
Release the guilt when things feel lopsided — balance is a moving target, not a fixed state. Practicing self-compassion can really help here. Dr. Kristen Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, has shown that self-compassion isn’t just a feel-good concept — it’s backed by science. It helps us accept ourselves as imperfect beings and fosters a more understanding and forgiving attitude toward ourselves. [You can learn more about self-compassion here]
Accept the ebb and flow — some weeks, work will take more of your energy; other weeks, your personal life will need more attention. That’s normal.
Reframe the question — instead of asking, “How do I balance everything?” try asking, “What needs my care and attention right now?”
2. Set Boundaries (And Actually Keep Them)
Women are often conditioned to be caretakers and people pleasers, which makes setting boundaries feel uncomfortable (okay, VERY uncomfortable). But without boundaries, any form of balance is impossible.
Treat rest like a meeting — block time in your calendar for rest and non-work activities, and protect it like you would an important work meeting. If it’s on your calendar, it counts.
Practice saying “no” — and leave it at that — you don’t need to justify or apologize for protecting your time. A simple “I can’t take that on right now” is enough.
Remember: boundaries are about care, not rejection — setting limits isn’t about pushing people away; it’s about protecting your energy so you can show up where it matters most. Healthy boundaries create space for you to be more present and connected.
3. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
Who says balance has to mean splitting your time equally between work and life? What if it meant feeling aligned with your values instead?
Success can look like presence, not perfection — being fully present at your kid’s soccer game, even if your inbox is overflowing.
It’s okay if success ebbs and flows — maybe you’re working longer hours because you’re in a creative flow — and then you give yourself permission to take a long weekend afterward with your besties.
Ask yourself: “What feels nourishing and sustainable for me right now?” — Let that, not external pressure, guide your choices.
Balance is Personal — Make It Yours
At the end of the day, balance isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula. It’s not about perfectly dividing your time between work and life — it’s about listening to what you need and making intentional choices to honour that.
So, let’s stop chasing the illusion that balance is a destination we’ll finally arrive at and start seeing it for what it really is — an ongoing practice of paying attention to what matters, adjusting when things feel off, and giving ourselves grace along the way. Because balance isn’t a state of being — it’s a way of being.
Ready to find a rhythm that works for you? If you’re looking for support in redefining balance, building self-compassion, or navigating other challenges around women’s well-being, the Risewell team is here to help. Reach out today to book a free 20-minute consultation.
Further Exploration:
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself” by Nedra Glover Tawwab
“Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive” by Kristin Neff
The Self-Compassion Community by Dr. Kristen Neff
